These are from a photo shoot I did last week.

Please contact me via comment or email if you are proficient in using INDESIGN, and are looking for a volunteering/ internship opportunity. I know it’s a long shot, but thought I would put it out there. If you know anyone who might be interested, you may contact me as well.

xoxo.

Someone told me that I need to start posting my material that actually gets published on here, and I thought that wasn’t a bad idea… However, the language is a little more, say… colorful (?) than how I normally write, but hey, I’m trying to entertain people here. Or shock them. Either way, here it is. It’s for a “trade” magazine for sex workers.

Mistress Veronica’s Choices:

Harness with adjustable O-Ring:

Better if you are a more experienced ass-jammer, and fuck sluts with varying levels of butt-sluttiness. Why? Because the point of having adjustable rings is to be able to adjust the size to take a cock with large or small girth. This way, whether you are fucking a novice or a slutty Nancy boy who needs a fat one, you’re ready to go. I have a Terra Firma, made by Stormy Leather, found at Babeland here: http://store.babeland.com/harnesses-2-strap/terra-firma-leather-d-ring The great thing about this model is that it is fully adjustable for different body sizes, and you can remove the pad for double dildo fun. It is also one of the only harnesses that will fit a dildo with a ball sack.

Harness with non-adjustable O-Ring or pre-attached dildo:

Clients will inevitably always, always want different sizes of dildo, so this is obviously not the most desirable option. If you must take this option, go for the medium-sized attached dildo, and get a small butt plug to boot. But this will probably just equal out to the price of a nice harness anyway, so why bother?

Harness Materials:

I have to say, I love leather. It looks professional, and it acts that way too. Vinyl is my second choice, but in my experience, not as durable. Also, try the damned thing on before you buy it. There are a lot of shitty harnesses out there. Don’t just think about material, look at the design. The kind that fits like a g-string is terribly uncomfortable. Get the kind with straps under the ass. It is also hard to find one that is not cheap leather or pleather. The Spare Parts Joque harness is polyester, so is durable, and a good option for vegans. http://store.babeland.com/harnesses-all/spareparts-joque-harness

I was listening to my “Guilty Pleasures” channel on Pandora today. (For those of you unfamiliar with Pandora, it’s a website where you can create your own radio stations, based on a song you like. You pick a song or artist, and they keep playing songs or artists that are musically similar. If you haven’t tried it, you should. It’s fab.)

“Guilty Pleasures” could basically be re-named my “Blue-eyed Soul” channel. I’m not ashamed to admit that yes, I love me some Hall and Oates. (If you don’t, there’s something amiss in your life. Seriously.) Other artists that crop up on this station are Michael McDonald (hearts!), The Police (not technically soul, but I’ll take it), Chris DeBurgh (remember Lady in Red? So do I!!), Christopher Cross, I digress… Anyway, I was all, wooo, groovin on my elevator music, and heard this song that sounded SO familiar… but I couldn’t place it. Then- I remembered. It’s the song I had my tap-dancing recital to when I was like 7 years old! “Somebody’s Baby”, by Jackson Browne! This may not seem like a big deal to most of you, nay, any of you, but it almost brought tears to my eyes. And then, while it was playing, I could hear my teacher saying, “Fa-lap, heel-heel, fa-lap, heel-heel, rhythm step!” I can remember what a rhythm step is! I almost got up and did it out of habit.

Oh, man, and the outfit I had to wear- big surprise- was a red and white sequined leotard, with (strangely) one of those flapperesque headbands with a feather in the front. Not really time-compatible with the song, but we’re talking tap-dancing here. And everyone HAS to look like they’re a magician’s assistant.

Wow. It’s funny how a really detailed memory can pop up out of nowhere.

Well, on the off-chance that you actually like Jackson Browne, here’s the song:

In an experiment to test my own self-absorption, I am re-opening my Twitter account. You may join the zany, whacky, and pseudo-intellectual fun, by going here:

My Twitter, Bitchez!

Since I know my last post probably befuddled and/or disgusted some people (who don’t understand the gloriousness of chubby queens performing in front of a mirror), here is something that I saw last night that made me have to excuse myself. Enjoy!

Watch It Here

xoxo.

Chubby queens taping themselves dancing to Beyonce are a dime a dozen, but when they do it well- it’s blog-worthy. At least, it’s worthy of my blog. The fat dude in the leotard can’t hold a candle to Tyrone!

Also, the hilarity doesn’t stop there! Watch this (very short) video of Russian ladies being almost unbearably endearing.

I was sitting on the toilet today feeling sorry for myself, sad over some person or nonsense like that- and I let out a really wet fart. A bunch of them, in fact. As hard as I was trying to feel bad, I couldn’t do it, because I just could not stop farting. The noise is just too hilarious. It’s never NOT funny. Is it possible to be on the toilet and be upset? Try it sometime, it is surprisingly difficult.

(This is not an invitation for people into toilet training to call me. Please do not.)

Ha! Was that too much information? Oh well.

Since I love to rant endlessly, almost to the point of resembling Andy Rooney (when the hell are that guy his eyebrows going to die, anyway?)- I was at a hip hop show a few nights ago, enjoying the music, and I feel someone slam into me.

This is from a website called “Fetish Flame”, which is a collection of podcast interviews that explore BDSM. This interview is particularly interesting, I think, because they sit down with Diaper Dan, who is a diaper fetishist (natch). Dan is quite open and articulate about diaper loving and predicaments of incontinence, and also explains the difference between his fetish and someone who considers him/herself an adult baby. It’s about 40 minutes long, but don’t let that deter you. It is incredibly engaging, very funny, and it will challenge any preconceived notions you may have previously had about this genre of BDSM.

He also makes an interesting point about the experiencial difference between a fetish, and how that may be a source of arousal, and how that relates (or doesn’t) to wanting actual “normal” sex.

Click below:

Fetish Flame

xoxo.

This is why you have to love Richard Simmons. And you KNOW he totally bedazzled that!